well.. this post is for sum1.. although i know he'll never read this.. i'll still write it here.. well.. i hope u r getting on with life better than me.. cuz u r making my life miserable.. i couldnt believe when a freind told me wad hav u been telling ur frenz in sch... y cant u juz let matters rest? its been a long time since i cried but because of u.. yet again.. i cried.. y cant u juz let me hav my life back? u don't know i know every single thing u tell ur frenz but i do.. they're ur frenz.. but they're my frenz too.. its over.. juz stop it.. i know its ur mouth n i can't stop u frm saying anything.. but if u still hav some respect for me.. pls stop it.. every singe friend of mine hates u.. i dont.. i never did.. cuz i know u onced loved me n i dont see any reason to hate u.. at least i respected u.. the onli reason i contacted u after so long is that i wanted to break the silence.. cuz i still treated u as a friend.. but u juz dont seem to give a damn abt it.. n let me tell u again.. the present i gave u doesnt mean anything... pls stop thinkin i still like u.. pls stop making wild guesses... if u hav no means of being friends.. juz tell me.. dont need to act nice in front of me n talking bad abt me behind my back.. i had enough.. if u r doin these to get back at me which i dont see a reason y should u.. juz stop it.. if u dislike me in anyway.. u can juz tell me straight in the face... dont need to do it behind my back.. its not the 1st time ade.. i know it.. n to his friends or ppl hoo know him.. tell him wad i wrote.. let him know.. i dun wish to hear anything abt this anymore.. dont make me hate u..

i look upon the moon and stars at 11:20 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

well yea.. laz sunday was da st john ambulance perbarisan tahunan... it was held in my sch.. well it was quite a major event.. 500 st john members from 12 schs came... well i reached sch at 1... then every 1 reached at abt 1.30.. marched into the field... stood there... n it started to rain.. NON STOP... n guess wad.. we stood in the rain n waited for the VIPS to come... n finally they came... gave sum boring speeches... n we juz stood there.... watchin... 1 by 1... members fainted... yea.. wad a nice scene ehh... at least 10 man... mostly gals... n there we stood.... 3 hours... in the rain.. yea...

oh yea.. i forgot to mention abt the commander... with his hillarious commands... lets see.. hav u ever heard of this :" diam, diam barisan tengah, diam!" haha... laffing now? yea.. dat was my 1st time listening to that sort of commands...

well the whole thing ended at 4 sumthin... damn tired n soakin wet... went home.. bathed... ate dinner... n slept frm 6.30 pm... til 9 am the next morning.. not bad ehh.. haha...

well today watched 2 movies at grandma's house... unleashed n constantine... quite nice la.. studied a bit of bio.. yea.. nthn much la... neway... feelin tired... wanna chao ade.. so yea... peace out!

i look upon the moon and stars at 12:43 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

lets see... quite alot happened last week... got to know sumthin... abt my frenz... yea... now i really know where i stand in their hearts... now i know my importance in their lives... i should have known long ago... i juz didnt want to admit it myself.. i didnt wan to admit they juz dont care a shit about me... they wouldn't even care if i was dead... yea... so called good friends of mine ehh... i knew that was goin to happen since i got into dat class... i dunno y.. i juz knew it... i hoped it wouldnt happen.. but again n again it did... i'm getting tired of all these arguments n cold wars... i realy had enough.. wad izzit dat i hav done wrong to get all these? y do u ppl juz like to treat me like sum trash or garbage? throwing me around where ever u please n juz dumping me in da dustbin when u finally get tired of playin with me? hello! i'm a human being here! i have feelings too ok? y izzit always my fault when most of the time it isnt? y izzit i'm the 1 being ignored when u are the ones who did me wrong? y izzit when i'm absent n sick but no1 seems to give a shit abt my absence? now i know y... cuz u ppl nv treated me as a friend.. yea... i know u'll say i'm too much.. but go home n think abt it urselves.. wad hav u ppl done to be considered as i friend? mock at me? ignore me? having cold wars with me? not telling me wads goin on? sharing things among urselves n acting stupid when i ask abt it? or come to me when i got sumthin u wan? ask for my help when there are things u ppl cant solve? THANK YOU VERY MUCH... I DONT NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT.. if that is wad friends are for, i'd rather i nv got to know u ppl in the 1st place. i really hope u ppl will read this.. dont think that by ignoring me, i'll forget abt it some time later.. i'm not goin to! now u know y i'd rather skip school than to spend my time wid u ppl... u nv give a damn abt me anyway... all u care abt are guys... once they r there, u juz completely forget abt me.. as if i was nv there in the 1st place.. u think i dun mind.. u think i dun care... izzit so? wad if ur friends did the same thing to u? u think u'll feel nothing? u think u'll juz act stupid? no.. not me. n after all these time, i've realized da level of trust u ppl hav in me... i've known u ppl for 5 years... some even longer... but what are the answers i get everytime i ask u abt sumthin? u ppl nv tell me anything at all... all u tell me is that its a secret.. but all of u know abt it n talk abt it among urselves... even wid ur guy friends when i juz sit there like a dumb ass not knowing anything.. u think thats fun? let me tell u.. it isnt. time after time i hav been telling myself.. u ppl r my friends... n time after time i found me lying to myself... its time for me to wake up... i've really had enough with u ppl... whether u agree o not wid wad i say... i'm not goin to be nice anymore.. everytime i try to be nice.. u ppl juz take me for granted... this is da laz time i'm keepin quiet... believe me.

i look upon the moon and stars at 1:15 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

heyx.. i'm back to blog again! haha... well yea... lets get back to laz week... crazy week sial... my mum brought students to mersing for a camping trip... my dad went to indonesia.. so i stayed at my grandma's house lo....

MONDAY... went to sch... was feeling sick... i WAS sick.. ok.. then headache... didnt hav the mood to study... so during recess.. i took my bag n books... n walked straight out of school! haha... da guard juz looked at me for a while then look away... haha... so i went to cs... 10 sumthing onli.. so i sat at mcD.. bought chicken porridge... n ate there lo... then after i finish eating.. look at my watch.. damn.. onli 10.30... ahah... so i went to buy a egg sandwhich n a cup of coffee n sat downstairs... dis time i made sure i ate VERY VERY SLOWLY... hhaa.. lookin at ppl comin into cs... frm 1 by 1... became groups bt groups n when i finally finish eating.. cs was quite filled with ppl ade... so i went upstairs n walked around lo... walk walk walk... then saw sumthin v nice n bought it fer my fren as budday prezzie... then it was 12.45 ade... still considered early la.. cuz dat day i finish class at 1.40 ma... n so happen i passed by da snow ice stall n i bought a bowl of snow ice... man i tell u.. it was GOOD... >.< haha.... vvvv nice.... i strongly recommend da peanut flavour... i love it man! hahaa... then bought da taiwanese fried chicken chop or watever it is called... it wasnt worth it lo... 5 bucks for a few little pieces of pathetic looking chicken... n summore da worker go n cut into even miniature pieces... haha.. but i cnt deny it tasted gd oso la... ahah... then after ddat i went back to sch lo... juz in time.. n acted as if nthn happened.. hee...

TUESDAY... Woke up in da morning feeling giddy n stuff... so ended up staying at home... went to see da doc at 11... who was my fren's dad.. an indian... he kept on tellin me nt to go to sch da nx day oso lo! hhaa... so zadao man... but i juz asked for mc for dat day itself.. then i went back homw n had lunch... ate medicine... n fell asleep again.. n guess wad.. i woke up at 4... ahahhaa...then ate lunch... maggi mee lo.. then taught my cousin chinese... she had exam the nx day ma.. i think i was too harsh on her la... gave her too much work.. n she cried... man i really dun like seeing children cry... argh.. nvm.. then i left her wid my grandmother n went for tuition.. nthn much happened dat day..

WEDNESDAY... went to sch as usual... regretted not taking another day's mc.. haha... i so wanted to go for history class n guess wad.. da teacher didnt enter my class... darn... spent the whole morning in st john room wid yi xian, liyinn, n mei shyuan... help then make booklets for ssi iu day... then after we finished... it was recess ade... u know wad... i took my bag n books n headed straight for da gate... i dunno y la... dat week really no mood to even stay in school.... went to kerrys n met up wid gor... he didnt go to sch at all n was there since morning.. he treated me breakfast loo... hee... then went into da mall n walk arnd for a while.. then we got bored... then he decided to go back to da cyber cafe n continue playin games whereas i went to cs alone again.. ahah... went to coffee bean n ordered a vanilla drink... it was heaven man i tell u.. i loved loved loved it.. haha... 1 of da best non coffee drinks i had in coffee bean... n i had a piece of raspberry cheesecake.. a bit disappointed though.. not as gd as i had expected... then it was still VERY early.. 1 onli... i told my granspa i stayed back till 4.30... so i went upstairs to see if there were any movies to watch.. n ended up watching Stealth alone.. haah... nice lo.. 1st time watch alone... the show was... ok onli... the storyline was expected.. kinda like I Robots... nthn special... but da effects were nice... n so i went back to sch at 3 sumthin... expecting to see yixian n gang at sch practicing their dance... but they were no where to be seen.. so i went back early...

THURSDAY... went to sch late... holiday ma.. da juniors had NCO kelayakkan test.. most of ttheir performance were quite expected... some were disappointing though... n i found out on weds... yi xian n gang were indeed still in sch at 3 sumthing.. they were at the counselling room practicing... no wonder i couldnt find them anywhere.. haha.... well helped joel n jye swei on their performance... n they ended up askin me to play da guitar for them... so they called their interact juniors who havent reach sch yet to find a guitar n bring it to sch for me.. n finally... they found 1... their junior was like keep apologizing to my becuz according to her.. the guitar was vvvvv lousy n in a vvvvvv bad condition... she kept on apologizing... haha... then she left... i took out da guit... it was a classical guit.. sure enuf.. there were dents at da sides... n it was is a bad condition... then i layed it on my lap in looked inside... guess wad words i saw on the label? HAND MADE GUITAR.... MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS A HAND MADE GUITAR!!!! GOOD STUFF!!!! N SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW?!?!?!?!?!??!! hahaa.... i was so so so so so so so excited lo... i quickly tuned the guit.. n strummed... fooohyooo... da sound... i dunno how to describe... ahhaa... vvvvv nice.... n i really mean VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV NICE... hahaa.. so joal n i figured out the chords n he practiced singing wid jye swei lo.... then i started playing other songs n joel used his hp to record wad chords i was playing.. ahhaa... damn funny lo... then i went to cs AGAIN.. for da 3rd time in a week.. for lunch la... went wid js.. but parted once we reach there.. she had other programmes... then i went back to sch at 1.30 n went for guitar class... asked albert abt the chords of da song i wan playing for joel n jye swei.. At The Beginning... n he found out there were some missing chords in between... so we found the chords n wrote it dwn lo... nice... haha... then went for physics n chemistry tuition lo.. went home v late n canceled da last tuition of da day... too tired la....

FRIDAY... i stayed in sch for da WHOLE DAY!!! guai ler... ahah... ee jie told me my form teacher almost called my mum.. AHHA.. OOPS.... ok la.. i know i bad la.. hee... it wont happen again! heee... had rehearsal after sch... yi xian asked my acapella team to perform oso... so we practice lo.. everything went on pretty well... went for bm n add maths tuition after dat lo...

SATURDAY... the day... ssi iu... fetched joel to sch... had rehearsal... n it started at 9.. i think... saw christine!!! SHE CAME!!! ahhaaa... happy lo...my acapella performance was at 10.30... we did a nice job.. heh.... then i played da guit for joel n jye swei's song... da guit was a bit too loud but overall it was okay.. then i went to da hall to sit lo... saw ee wuen... shaked hands wid me.. he said our performance was gd.. ahaa.. happy seh!then saw sim yen n da rest.. they were late!!! AAAA.. hahaa.. nvm la... then saw sum other ppl i knew la... saw my dear meix joy oso!! didnt expect her to come lo... took sum photos wid her.. then saw dat yean rui... HHAHAHAHA.... da guy dat kena me n js kutuk teruk teruk during ec iu... long story.. then saw desmond oso.. said hi lo... er... others i cant remember la.. too many.... saw da classical guit performance.. da guy was gd.. i super super super love da drama... vvvv well done.. ahah... v funny.. n yixian, mei shyuan, n liyinn DANCED!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA.... i nv expected i cud see them dance in sch man!!! HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA... v nice la... ahha.... ms was damn cute.. ahah.... then helped sim yen tune his guitar..then me n js shiok sendiri keep singin n singin n play guitar... then he like... bangang there.. haah.. sorry la.. ahaha..... then ian came n he started playin... nice lo! haha.. he played marriage d' amour.. nice nice nice.. ahah... then we went back to da hall.. everything ended ade.. took fotoz lo.. n we helped arrange the tables n chairs lo.. n finish cleaning up at 1.30... then ian fetched us to kerrys to limteh.. then we chat chat chat until 2.30.. mei shyaun left n went for tuition at omega.. me,yx n ly stayed there wid ian n continue tokin.. haha.. we skipped our chinese tuition n went back at 3.40... hahaha.... well it was v nice lo.. long tims nv see our dear shi fu ade... hehe... oh ya... his prezzie still wid me.. muz remember to give him.. ahhahaa

SUNDAY... had hi tea wid my godma, cuzzies, n grandparents at blue wave.. heh..

anyway... nthn much happen after dat... oh ya... ee jie didnt come to sch today... n we did alot of mod maths ade... so i ended up doin her work for her.. juz now spent 1 and a half hours drawing abt 10 drawings for her... haha... k la.. gtg... chiao!

i look upon the moon and stars at 1:22 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

well... i havent been writing anything in my blog for a long time ade... no mood to write la.. or wad so ever... hmm... so lets tok abt hari koko.... it was nice la... da whole open hall was crowded wid ppl... n lots of stalls selling mostly food.. not forgetting some game stalls n body art stall.. yea... my club.. music club sold mochi, ice blended mocha, n ice kacang.. ours was da 1st stall to finish selling everything... nice food ma... n good ppl relationship...

well.. there were sum other interesting stuff... like da fried ice cream stall... they had this huge box wid fried ice cream ads all over n a guy wearing dat box walkin all over da open hall blowing a whistle to get attention... it was quite fun to look at... then there was the canning demonstration by the prison officers... man it was wicked... da guy was so huge.. n da cane was at least one inch thick man... they had this v fake dummy wid a v fake bleeding butt wid da hands n waist tied firmly to a pole... n da officer canned it 10 times... i tell u everytime he canned da dummy... sum ppl screamed... when da cane landed on da dummy... a loud crack could be heard... i was quite a amazed da dummy's butt didnt burst after da 10 canes... i really cant imagine da cane landing on real human's butt... man its gonna hurt real bad..

anyway.. was dragged to da photography club stall by sum lower 6 frenz... kena cheated 5 bucks there... i havent even say yes they ade finish cookin da food n askin 5 bucks frm me..... SIAL... bt nvm la.. all my frenz... support a bit lo.. overall.. it was nice la.. cuz its da 1st time i was free throughout.. no nid to care abt anything.. no nid to care abt anyone... quite happy la...

then after that... had da music club party rehearsal.. dat idiot dicipline teacher chased us out of the classroom n forbade us to use da classroom.... dun u think its absolutely absurd?! students cant even use classrooms in their own school... was v fed up ade... went to astaka to practice.. n every1 needed me for their performances.. i was like.. v bz ade.. then when i'm practicing this.. the others will be like waiting for me v impatiently like as if it was my fault.. then lastly i couldnt control myself n screamed at jasmine.. made her cry.. sorry again yar jas.. really really didnt mean it.. juz too stressed up n tired of everything.. skipped chinese tuition n practiced till 2.30.. yeah.. then went home n went to cs again..bought a 256 memory card for my Motorola E398 n bought a new bodyglove sling bag... v tired la dat day..

then came sunday... our music club's 4th budday party... i was da emcee.. involved in da stomp performance.. choir.. played guit for 2 group singin performance.. acapella.. n drama... we invited singers frm ma3 yao2 to perform... an association la.. all local singers.. they were ok.. then after i performed.. the guy frm ma3 yao2.. da guitarist came n talked to me...asked me abt my guitar.. my Yamaha APX-3.. then commented on my performance.. said overall i played quite well... of cuz la.. i was playin C Major my dear fren.. haha... if i was playin in F sharp.. see if he will still say i played gd.. haha... if F sharp i sure die.. all those chords.. man.. difficult.. then he said its onli the 2nd time he seen a gal playing guitar on stage.. well.. me myself oso can really figure out y so few gals play guitar.. i mean.. its cool wad.. n so much more easier than piano.. although i learn piano oso... mebbe they cant bear the pain of da guitar strings cutting into their flesh... well i myself almost gave up at 1st oso.. left hand fingers swelling... bruised... right hand fingers bleeding.. haha.. yea...its quite scary isnt it... but well i pulled through.. n luckily i did... he asked me if i was interested to continue playin n work in da music line... i was like... huh? i nv really thought of that.. cuz i had always categorized music as a hobby.. not work... i wud love to play music.. but i need to think abt my future... unless i was really gd otherwise music wont be geeting me anywhere... but anyway.. wad matters is my studies now... he gave me his name card.. well i guess i wont hav problems finding a job after spm if i wanted to work while waiting for my results.. haha.. dat guy seemed v interested to ask me to join his company n was quite disapponted when he found out i was still studying... haha..

anyway.. we invited abel's band Envy too... they rawked... real nice... of cuz la.. wouldnt hav wasted my money right... wont elaborate too much on money.. ahah.. anyway.. really loved their performance..

the drama was v funny.. but a bit too long.. 45 minutes ler.. no kidding... then lastly... everything ended... it was quite ok la.. although there were sum hiccups through out..

this week really gotta start studying ade... trials comin in a month... muz try n find da motivation.... i keep getting distracted.... hav been skipping classes... every friday... 3 weeks ade... whole day nv go into class.... dunno y... juz dun feel like studying on friday.... haihh... i muz stop this la... trying to.. i know its not good n not right.... but i juz cant help it... i dun learn anything in class oso. i dun even know wads da point of goin to sch.. the teachers dont seem to giv a damn abt my class... all their hopes r on da 1st class... hoo wud even care a bit abt da laz science class in ssi.. da class wid da most diciplinary problems.. the class dat never showed up for classes on time.. the class that seldom had all da students in da class at da same time.. da class that almost evrery student r bound to fail at least 1 subject.. hoo wud care abt us? yea.. the principal.. all he cares is da sch's name... premier sch... my shit la... its juz a name.. a fake name... the teachers are all bias.... the 1st class students will never do anything wrong.. n even if they did... nthn will ever happen to them.. there will always be teachers there to stand up for them... th speak up for them... unlike us.... teachers will try their very best to put the blame on us... well.. sum1 has to take the blame right? of cuz it will be us.. the class with no hope... thats da cruel reality... i dun wish to admit it but its true.... if only the teachers treated us da same way as how they treated other students... well i cant blame it all on them... da attitude problem of some ppl in my class is getting more n more outta hand... i dun wish to say their names here.. but they know it themselves... dats y i'd rather not go to classes than to see their disgusting faces... suckers with no brains... they know how to pick on ppl.. they know how to critisize ppl.. yeahh thay know.. they r so good at it.. but their studies? u wouldnt want to know.. i really wonder how they got into SSI in da 1st place.. n i really wonder y hasnt the sch expell them... they send them for useless councillings hoping they wud change... yea right... they dunno hoo r they dealing with... do they really think those bastards care abt the stupid councilling sessions? wake up my dear teachers.... they'l juz laf at u for ur naiveness.. they'll juz mock at u like an idiot... wake up my teachers... its time to WAKE UP...

enuf of this shit...wel... i started contacting him again... after so many months of ignoring each other.. i decided to put a stop to it... dun wan this to go on like this.. i hope i'm doin the right thing.. my frenz are already questioning me y am i doin this... i dun care if he made me sad.. i dun care if he once made my life miserable.. n dun ask me y dun i hate him.. i never did.. not once..i've decided... n i'm not gonna regret wad i'm doin.. i juz dun wan da 2 of us to keep ignoring each other.. well i cant help thinkin abt the promise we made to each other sum time ago.. we promised each other that even if we break up 1 day.. we muz remain as best friends.. although its not da way it is now.. n u might think i'm naive.. but i really hope we can still remain as friends.. well.. 1 more friend is better than 1 more enemy right? i'm sure u'll agree with me on this... so my frenz if u see this.. pls dun interrogate me as if i did sumthing wrong ok? i know how to handle my personal things myself.. n thanks to those hoo stood by me through these saddest moments of my life... i've walk out of da past.. i'm fine now... really..

anyway... its ade 3am.. gotta get sum sleep now... typed alot ade.. so yar.... signing out.. chao!

i look upon the moon and stars at 3:10 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon