I think I'm too indecisive...

Fickle minded...

Maybe I didn't get to do much of the choosing back then..

Many things I did because I had no choice..

Now, when choices seem to be abundant..

I'm the one who is getting lost in the midst of choices..

i look upon the moon and stars at 4:46 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Well well well.. Its been 1 year+ since i've last blogged... difinitely a long time.. WAY TOO LONG~~ lolx.. anyway.. accidentally opened dis blog.. read through alot of stuff.. brought back alot of memories.. both good n bad.. Never knew i wrote blogs so frequently in the past.. i shud continue writing i guess.. for the sake of my memories.. (lets just say i dont have good memory~)

Looking back at the posts i once wrote.. i really can say that.. I've changed a lot.. and i really mean A LOT.. The posts i wrote 2 year ago.. most of them were full of hatred.. sadness.. sorrow.. I guess i was still young.. (not to say i'm v old now.. but still..) i was very strong headed.. Many things happened and maybe at that time, i couldn't take things that easily.. i was hit.. hard.. right in the face.. and i couldnt recover.. it really took me a long time.. i really had a hard time.. i was lost.. i had no direction.. right until i entered mmu.. that was when i started to change.. for the better of course.. people say you change as the environment changes.. i really must agree to that..

There are still things i need to improve on.. I've often overlooked alot of things.. my weakness.. my problems.. i never really thought they mattered so much.. until recently.. i realized after i entered uni, my command of English has slowly deteriorated.. up to a certain extend, i was questioning myself can i still say my English is good? It was never a problem for me to stand in
front of people and talk.. but recently.. i noticed.. i'm starting to stammer.. not because i'm scared.. my mind just goes blank.. maybe its the lack of practice? or its because i just dont speak english that often in uni anymore? almost all of my friends are chinese speaking... maybe that the reason.. i shud read more english books from now on.. i shud blog more in english too.. maybe that'll help..

Another thing.. i'm having problem with my leadership skills.. i've always been told that i have good leadership skills..i thought so too.. but after organizing an event.. it doesnt seem so anymore.. I really learnt a lot through this event.. it really woke me up and portrayed all my weaknesses.. i realized there are still a lot of things that i'm still incapable of.. maybe i was too self confident in the past.. but now i'm learning.. to improve myself and also to become a better leader.

We had post mortem today.. for our recital.. well.. organizing this recital.. has really been a challenge to me.. i have to admit.. there were many things i overlooked.. some which were quite critical.. in the end.. we managed to pull it off.. it was juz pure luck... i know.. without the performers this year.. the recital would have never been possible at all.. today many commented on my leading skills.. i really have to admit that i dont trust people.. maybe thats my weakness.. i've been trying hard to overcome this.. i've made improvements but nt enough.. they are right.. i'm not strict enough.. i was once very strict.. during high school.. people said i was too strict.. seriously.. i really dont know where is the balancing point.. i've been trying very hard.. many may not see it.. they may not know it.. but its okay.. i know it myself.. i dont know how people see me as a leader or as a person.. but i'm trying hard.. i just need some time..

anyway.. really tired now.. gotta get some sleep.. signing out.. ciao~

i look upon the moon and stars at 3:59 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon