Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I had the worst dream today... I slept at 9am in the morning... woke up at 12.30... in tears... n i couldnt stop myself from crying although i know it isnt real....

i dreamt that my dad was going to die.. he told us the doc said he had 1 week left only...

laz week he called n said he was goin to buy me an i phone for my birthday... in the dream.. he was telling me he woudnlt be able to do so anymore... he was hugging me n telling me sorry for not being able to be there anymore...

i couldnt stop myself from crying.. i hugged him tight n told him i loved him...

the dream was so real... even now when i think about it, my eyes start to tear up again..

i realized i have a fear of losing my loved ones...

my grandfather's death has already had a great impact on me.. i still can remember just 1 year ago... i just finished my 3rd final paper... i received a call from my mum... telling me that grandpa has passed away... i've never been so heart broken in my life... i couldnt accept the fact... days ago i was still talking with him on the phone.. telling him to take care of himself.. n he just went like that.... the pain was excruciating... i couldnt believe that i wont be able to see his face anymore... thinking about it just breaks my heart all over again... my grandpa has always doted on me the most.. i've had so much nice memories with him.. i really miss receiving phone calls from him everyday asking me whenther i have eaten or not....
he would ask me about my exams... ask me to study hard...
he would insist on giving me fifty or hundred dollar notes every time i went back... asked me to keep the money for my own use..
he fetched me everyday to from school n would bring me for luch at my favorite stalls...
he taught me how to eat indian food..
he would come to school 1 hour earlier to fetch me just to make sure i wouldnt have to wait for him after school...
i wanted so much for him to see me graduate from university..
i wanted to make him proud...
i wanted to be the best grandaughter hez ever had...
i wanted him to be the happiest grandfather in the world...


My grandpa has been a big part of my life.. n now that hez not there anymore.. it feels as if a big part of my life is missing..


I really miss him alot... I know hez up there watching me.. keeping me safe from harm..

i look upon the moon and stars at 2:08 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon