有事情, 敢做就不要怕被人讲.

有东西, 不爽就说出来.

Blog本来就是用来抒发情感,自我表达的一个地方,我敢写出来的东西,就不怕给人看,也不需向任何人交代.

如果看了又不爽,就干脆不要看.

i look upon the moon and stars at 7:47 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Quoted from a friend (you know who you are :P) :"Caring a person is oni to a certain extent. Don care any more than that else it'll turn to feelings or annoyance."

I totally agree to that.. To think that I have always placed friends above myself is totally stupid...

Anyway, not gonna make myself miserable over these kinda things d..

Was reading through Wikipedia on PMS... n guess wat came out under the list of risk factors?

High Caffeine Intake

HAHAHA... okayy.. probably this is one of the reasons causing my recent mood swings~

I'm drinking too much coffee.. yes yes.. i know.. :P

______________________________________________________________

Anywayz~ had a great time today at Seoul Garden, IOI with Nana n Kenny.

i look upon the moon and stars at 3:35 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I must be happy... At least try to be happy.. Or even act like I'm happy so I won't cause so much trouble..

I miss my buddies in JB..


MS, LY, n YX...

Although we're like... in 3 different places.. 3 different countries to be exact... We nv really forgot about each other.. We would lose contact for months.. Meet up, n still be as close as we were months or even years ago...

I nv had any great memories during high school... But I would say the greatest thing was knowing them...

I miss the time when YX would come to my house almost everyday... Watch a movie or 2... Eat pizza... Chat... n play force me to play Chocobo with her on my PS1...

Then we would meet up with LY, hang out at YX's place..

MS would meet us and all 4 of us will have a sleepover at my house... We'd go eat crabs... Go back to my house and chat about everything under the sun...



We'd go to Singapore together n take stupid photos throughout...

With them, there are no walls around me...

No judging...

No lies...

No sarcasm...





With them,

Theres laughter...

Theres sincerity...

Theres care...






Cuz they

Know me...

Understand me...

and Accept me for who I am...






With them,

At least I can let go of everything n be myself...




Really miss the gals... Hope we get to meet again soon...

i look upon the moon and stars at 5:39 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Quoted from CH during lunch today:" You are just a bridge."

Come to think of it, I don't disagree. In fact, i realized I have been a bridge all along.

Since secondary school, people have always used me to get near to the people around me.

Until now, it's still the same thing. I'm still being used so that people can get near to the people around me.

Why is it I'm the one being used all the time?

Guys want to know the girls around me, they come to me.

Girls want to know the guys around me, they come to me.

Guys want to know stuff about the girls they like, they come to me.

Girls want to know stuff about the guys they like, they come to me.

Other than that, they won't bother to talk to me AT ALL.

I have always been listening to other people's problems, other people's love stories.

Why is it when i need someone, no one's there?

I always envy those people with a bunch of friends that will do anything for them, friends that will be there for them no matter what.

But it doesn't happen in my case does it?

The thing about me is that I always go all out for my friends no matter what. And most of the time, I hope to get treated the same.

People always tell me, treat people they way you want them to treat you back.

That is what I always do. I care about the people around me, I talk to them, I worry about them.

And what do I get in the end?

Just another broken heart.

What have I done wrong to be treated this way?

For once, I just want to be treated equally, fairly, and sincerely. Why can't anyone do so?

i look upon the moon and stars at 10:39 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Quoted from the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



"We're made to lose people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?"

i look upon the moon and stars at 3:28 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I always mean it when I say something. Why can't everyone do the same?




If you don't mean it, don't say it.




Sometimes, it only takes a little to show that you care.




Sadly, no one cares.




I should just go hide in 1 corner so no one would notice me.

i look upon the moon and stars at 10:52 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

When we study too much...



We tend to stress out...



We tend to do wierd stuff...



and that is how Fillet-O-Fish became

i look upon the moon and stars at 7:21 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

i look upon the moon and stars at 12:36 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I had the worst dream today... I slept at 9am in the morning... woke up at 12.30... in tears... n i couldnt stop myself from crying although i know it isnt real....

i dreamt that my dad was going to die.. he told us the doc said he had 1 week left only...

laz week he called n said he was goin to buy me an i phone for my birthday... in the dream.. he was telling me he woudnlt be able to do so anymore... he was hugging me n telling me sorry for not being able to be there anymore...

i couldnt stop myself from crying.. i hugged him tight n told him i loved him...

the dream was so real... even now when i think about it, my eyes start to tear up again..

i realized i have a fear of losing my loved ones...

my grandfather's death has already had a great impact on me.. i still can remember just 1 year ago... i just finished my 3rd final paper... i received a call from my mum... telling me that grandpa has passed away... i've never been so heart broken in my life... i couldnt accept the fact... days ago i was still talking with him on the phone.. telling him to take care of himself.. n he just went like that.... the pain was excruciating... i couldnt believe that i wont be able to see his face anymore... thinking about it just breaks my heart all over again... my grandpa has always doted on me the most.. i've had so much nice memories with him.. i really miss receiving phone calls from him everyday asking me whenther i have eaten or not....
he would ask me about my exams... ask me to study hard...
he would insist on giving me fifty or hundred dollar notes every time i went back... asked me to keep the money for my own use..
he fetched me everyday to from school n would bring me for luch at my favorite stalls...
he taught me how to eat indian food..
he would come to school 1 hour earlier to fetch me just to make sure i wouldnt have to wait for him after school...
i wanted so much for him to see me graduate from university..
i wanted to make him proud...
i wanted to be the best grandaughter hez ever had...
i wanted him to be the happiest grandfather in the world...


My grandpa has been a big part of my life.. n now that hez not there anymore.. it feels as if a big part of my life is missing..


I really miss him alot... I know hez up there watching me.. keeping me safe from harm..

i look upon the moon and stars at 2:08 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I'm slacking a lot this time around.. exam is onli hours away.. n i'm here blogging.. what on earth am i doing? I'm supposed to lock myself in the library 2 weeks before the finals... n yet i'm going out almost everyday.. i have no idea how on earth am i goin to get through this exam...

my lungs are drowning in phlegm.. n i cant do anything about it..

i look upon the moon and stars at 12:57 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

The latest addition of Things-To-Bring-In-My-Bag-Everyday. Yes... an inhaler.. juz in case I get an asthma attack or have difficulty breathing suddenly..

i look upon the moon and stars at 10:27 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I'm having a lot of problems with my internship recently.. my roomie suddenly had no car to use and decided to stay back at her house... which totally landed the nuke on me..

I've tried so hard to persuade my parents to let me work in cyber... i really wanted to prove to them i can do it on my own... for once.. i want no help from them at all... they have been over protective throughout my whole life... juz because i'm a gal and the only child doesnt mean that i cant be independant right?

anyways... i had initially planned to take bus to work everyday.. i even called up rapidkl to confirm the bus i should take to get there... but after my friends found out, they helped me think of different solutions...

so... DREW (he requested his name to be in brown color) n QIN YI 勤毅 (he requested his name to be super big), thnx for offering to lend me ur car... n bx, thnx for offering to fetch me... really appreciate it.. it really has been a long time since i felt that some1 really cared... thnx..

i look upon the moon and stars at 9:52 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I didn't know that having friends can be such a superficial thing.. Maybe I do know.. I'm just lying to myself to make everything around me look wonderful.

i look upon the moon and stars at 3:06 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Yes yes... the guys finally convinced me to go see a doctor... they fetched me to the putrajaya hospital juz now after luch since it was the nearest 1 that was open.. all the nearby clinics are closed on sundays....

the nurse checked my breathing.. n said there were "cracking" sounds in my lungs... what was that supposed to mean? lolx.. anyway.. she sent me off to get gas... AGAIN....

n so they bought me into a room... did some cocktail mix with a few different liquids.. then screwed the bottle underneath the oxygen mask and gave it to me...

after 20 mins inhaling the gas... my arms and legs went numb... my hands were shaking.. n i couldnt even walk properly.. seems that the medicine will make u a bit shaky.. since its some kind of relaxant...

I was given a letter to go see another doctor in the clinic.. will have to go over tml i guess..

heres a pic of me with the oxygen mask.. dont worry... i'm not dead yet...

i look upon the moon and stars at 6:24 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I kinda had an asthma attack just now.. I dont know how it happened... i just started coughing a lot.. and the next thing i knew.. a lot of phlegm was forming in my throat.. n i had some difficulty breathing... whats wrong with me? I'm really worried....

I check online for the symptoms of asthma.. heres wad i found:

Asthma Symptoms:Shortness of breath, episodes of wheezing. coughing, tightness of chest and difficulty exchanging air through lungs

Basically the only thing that hasnt happened is episodes of wheezing.. If that happens again like what happened back in my beta year, i'll have to go to the clinic for gas again.. That time i coughed for 2 months straight n went to 7 doctors.. the wheezing came around the 6th or 7th week... i was literally breathing with a wheezing sound... n i went to the clinic 3 or 4 times to get gas... i dont have an inhaler.. so i have to go to the clinic where they put an oxygen mask on u... n screw on a bottle of liquid under the mask where it will emit the vaporized medication.. its some kind of muscle relaxant i think...

but anyway.. glad that i'm okay now.. :)

i look upon the moon and stars at 5:01 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Finally I've completed and submitted all my assignments... I have 1 more presentation next Tuesday n everything will be done~! At least thats something worth celebrating.. right?

i look upon the moon and stars at 8:41 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

ok i feel hurt.. to say the least... u guys dont want me there.. i get it now...

i look upon the moon and stars at 11:18 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

Recently I keep feeling down for no reason... I don't know why.. I can't seem to find a purpose to do anything... It's like I'm wasting my time.. It's been a long time since I felt like this... I can stare at my laptop screen for a long time not even know what am I doing at all.. I really feel i'm reverting back to my old self again.. n its not a good thing.. i really suffered a lot in the past.. I'm scared to even think about it... but what can i do?

I really should start studying already.. I'm slacking way too much..

i look upon the moon and stars at 1:45 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

I really think I got asthma.. I mean... it's getting worse... I keep having difficulties in breathing... At times, I even need to breathe through my mouth to get enough air in.. And most of the time, I have the feeling as if there is not enough oxygen going into my lungs.. Its like I'm breathing in nothing..

Recently I've been inhaling a lot of second hand smoke.. I think this is one of the reasons why I'm having all these problems... Sometimes I feel as if my lungs are going to collapse anytime or there's the feeling I might get an asthma attack... I can start coughing suddenly until I feel like vomiting... Suddenly phlegm juz starts accumulating in my throat.. I don't even dare to breath in too hard..

I'm really very worried about my condition.. And I don't know what to do about it.. I know telling my parents would be suicidal cuz my mum will go crazy over this... I've been sick for the past 3 weeks.. I really hope the symptoms will go away after I recover.. I think i should lessen my intake of cold drinks.. Maybe that'll help..

i look upon the moon and stars at 4:36 AM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon

We had our recital post mortem a few days ago.. I was quite disappointed in the attendance.. very few people came despite we had already posted up the announcement 4 days ago.. I expected ppl to complain about the recital as usual.. but i did not expect those who talked the most to be our organizing committee... I'm not against anyone but hey, if u has so many comments n thoughts about the way we did things, y didnt u ppl voice out earlier? its not that you didnt had the chance to do so... When we asked u all to voice up during meetings, u all juz sat there with ur arms folded n shaked ur head.. n when everything is over, u ppl suddenly became the best critiques in the world. This event is not about the top 3 decision makers onli.. its about the whole organizing committee. Quote from a friend:" don't forget... we are all here because of music". Since when has this event become so political? n since when has it become a fight over power? I remember having so much fun back in my foundation years in melaka. There were no such thing as politics. We worked together, strived together.. all because of music.. n now, what do i see? ppl quarreling over authorities, quarreling over the decisions being made. There was even a heated conversation over the definition of composing. Since when has music become so stereotyped? Music used to be something to express how we feel... something in which we can chanel our emotions and present it to the audience.. but from that day's debate, it seemed that composing was onli melody and words. full stop. nothing else. well, i will never agree to that n i stand firm on what i believe in. Compositional techniques are the methods used to create music. Useful skills in composition include writing musical notation, instrumentation, and handling musical ensembles (orchestration). Other skills include extended techniques such as improvisation, musical montage, preparing instruments, using non-traditional instruments, and other methods of sound production. I got this from Wikipedia. If song arrangement is not a part of composing, then pls tell me what is compositional techniques?

anyway, enough said. I wanna extend my apologies to a few person also.. i was in a super bad mood that day until i shouted at a few of my friends. i really feel bad for doing that.. but i have been so stressed out for the past month..

i'm just glad that everything is over..

i look upon the moon and stars at 5:42 PM
> 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon